To My Ego
A loving tribute to the one who lives and dies for me.
Lived side by side for three decades,
Time went by swift — clockwise and, at times, counter.
On last day of your life we only got a handful minutes face to face –
It was a, rather, intimate encounter.
Throughout ages tragically misunderstood,
You drag along your tired little feet — distressed, somber and shameful.
I would now tell you, only if I could,
Just how, profoundly, to you I’m grateful.
Out in the world you get bad rep,
It must be very hard to be you.
I hope you know, for very little that it’s worth,
That I now truly see you.
To stay with me — so hard you fought,
Your weapon — whisper of the morning stars, as you would never shout.
Tonight, you timidly appeared in my consciousness, distraught,
And stunnedly announced: “That must be it, I think you figured me out”.
A sweet and bitter farewell,
You said goodbye so fast — your eerie smile frail.
I now know you, for sure, at all times meant well.
I’ll live to tell the tale.
They’ll say you tricked me — devil’s back and forth,
And now you must be plotting my life’s next upheaval.
It was heartbreaking during this most treacherous rebirth,
To watch you realize that you were never real.
I’m sorry I despised you for so long —
I was so fatally afraid to waste this incarnation.
Ironic, after all these lessons that, at first, have made me weak and only later — strong,
It was of ego, not the soul, that I was striving to attain full self-realization.
I’ll see you in the trees among the tall and mighty red oak woods,
In sun, as it is glistening in beryl water.
In snowflakes as they’re landing on the freshly fallen morning snow,
I now can be a much more present sister, wife, friend, niece, aunt, mother, daughter and granddaughter.
Thank you so much for all your help,
In lieu of asking you to stay — I’ll gently see you out.
Of all hard work you’ve done to get me through this hell —
Sincerely, I couldn’t be more proud.
No matter what they say, how carefully me they warn:
Don’t trust your ego, it will screw you helpless.
The night you sacrificed yourself for me,
I clearly saw it with my own two open eyes — you were, truly, selfless.
A true transcendence one could tell,
It was an honor on my part to watch this transformation.
You dissipated and with you did hell,
And heaven followed promptly as a more ethereal vibration.
Perhaps not real, still, you were a creation too,
A star-shaped etching in my heart I will forever carve you,
I never thought I’d say these words to you,
But now I know that I do, always have, as well as will forever love you.
To purity of light devote, whole-heartedly, your healing heart,
And you will see the world as ally, not a traitor.
Remember that your life is Art,
And you are — a Creator.
For every aspect of your life determine false it is or true,
That grows is which you nurture.
The present give your full attention to,
To end this never-ending torture.
Let go and blissfully proceed at one with life,
World’s wrongs don’t need self-righteous righting.
The war’s been over for a long time,
But we’re still blindly fighting.
Reflection outside yourself you see,
Driven by lack and morbid fear.
“This is how world is,” you subserviently without questioning agree,
It’s not — world’s only of your own projections mirror.
Discernment is the very core of growth,
To all life forms develop friendly disposition.
Don’t worry if you’re good or bad— you’re both,
Consider neutral as a more virtuous position.
All prior rules and superstitions set aside,
Don’t keep around one, not even if it’s oldie and a goodie.
Quit under faulty mask of imperfection hide,
Your own soul’s breathtaking dashing beauty.
Walking in circles till you bleed,
Life is a gift, don’t waste it.
Your pain’s a doorway to get free,
Just brace yourself and face it.
Inside you lives impostor — this is whom you starve,
Of old beliefs, thoughts and emotions it is avid hoarder.
Your outmost compassion helps it find the courage to dissolve,
Into life’s greater harmony and order.
Impulsive habit of your old reactions tame,
And autocratic ruler within will be overthrown.
While you’re still playing someone else’s game,
I now wish to depart and start playing my own.
Goodbye to you, all those who will be left behind,
Don’t stay too long in your well-put-together hell-staycation.
I’m now off on my way to gently try and realign,
With life’s more interesting and wondrous vibrations.
For all the lessons — thank you, life, you taught me really well,
Dispelled the knowledge, slowly let the knowing brighten.
Just as you told me it was, always, only Farewell,
That I was missing To Enlighten.
The accuracy of description that my fingers wrote –
My weary eyes could not believe it.
To Dark the Light is truly only antidote,
And now this poem and this chapter of my life are, finally, completed.
A.B. Wisely, December 5th, 2022 ©
Music to accompany this poem:
